Herb Fringeport Rafferty, architect for “Tomorrow’s Building,” is world wide known for his amazing design skills. But his status as founder of The American Society of Architects Scholar Learners (ASASL) wasn’t earned overnight. No, he has worked towards every feather in his cap including honorary board member of the Lego Maniacs Association, Easily SC Chapter. His drive and love for building started early and doesn’t seem to have ever ended.
Pushing Boredom in the 1950s
California’s San Fernando Valley was all the rage with contemporary designs in the 1950s. It exemplified distinguished architecture with modern flair with a focus on home life of the future nuclear family. Herb grew up seeing tons of great things being built all around him and it all bored him to tears. He’d rush home from school and spend hours in his living room just stacking blocks as high as he could. His mother said he’d watch the Delivery Dan Program on the family TV set at full blast. “Herbie had the darn volume so loud that no one else could be in the room with him,” recalls Mrs. Rafferty.
Focus Builds Devotion
This solitude and commitment led him to develop his unique skill for putting things together. Especially when those things were blocks. But he wasn’t always accepted as the genius that he believes he is today. Oh no, it took years and years designing at the feet of his mentors.
His employers were not impressed by the shoes he would make while crawling beneath their drafting boards. “Herb wasn’t a very good shoe maker,” master architect Doff Humberstein said. “The shoes were made of wood blocks and they hurt to wear.”
“Herb wasn’t a very good shoe maker.”
Doff Humberstein
MASTER ARCHITECT
But eventually he found employment where his talent was recognized. “I knew from the way he made the wooden shoes, he had chosen the wrong career,” said Dutch artist Balthazar Alderts. The next day, based on guidance from Mr. Alderts, Herb quit his job as an Archetect’s Coobler and began his job as an assistant to Mr. Alderts. Together they built many buildings. Unfortunately none are standing today.
After building with Mr. Alderts for many years Herb was abruptly let go. It was discovered that Herb was extremely anti-Dutch and never believed in Sinterklaas and hated the traditional three kisses greeting on the cheek. It was said that Mr. Alderts came into the office and set off a bucket of fireworks while Herb was away. Burning up everything in it and creating a spectacular show for all the other employees. This practice was soon termed Alderting Rafferty and to this day archetect executives fire other employees in the same manner.
Unbelievable Building Results
Herb continued to build things that looked pretty common until he discovered his true calling. One day while watching TV with his children he caught a glimpse of a puppet from long ago. Delivery Dan himself brought a jolt of inspiration that shot thru him like a taste of extra sharp limburger cheese. Years of stacking blocks came crashing back and he began to design some of the most terrifying building ever built.
Come on Herb, sweet Jesus. Can you even believe someone would even walk into one of these Buildings? Much less raise a family or run a business inside the teetering floors. Heaven forbid someone might pull a door the wrong way and the whole thing comes crashing down. At least the occupants can have fun rushing to the windows to be the first to yell “Jinga!” before they get squished like a grape in a box of legos. Mother of God Herbie, whoever paid you to do this must be a Sadist or something worse. Like a President Trump or Kim Bassinger’s plastic surgeon.
Hey, I watched the Delivery Dan Program when I was a youngster. Do you know if there are any episodes on the internet? I’d love to see them again. Reminiscing is all I have left to do now that I’m retired from the mill. Let me know if you find some. I still have my Delivery Dan Badge that I mailed away for back then.