Gum chewing Alaska man shocked to realize that his footprint looks like his dong.

56 year old Nome Alaska fisherman Brogan Wackerman claims to have discovered that his footprint is an exact match with the profile view of his genitals.  “It’s hard to believe that it took me this long to notice but, my footprint looks just like my dong,” claims Wackerman.  

The Alaskan grandfather of seven explained, “The other night, I’m there watching the new episode of Suits and suddenly I have to take a piss.  The doctor’s got me on these diuretics because my prostate’s the size of a baby seal’s head.  When I gotta go, I gotta go.  But I realize that my wife is in the shower so I can’t go in there.  If I flush the crapper while she’s in there all the water pressure drops and she throws a fit.  At this point, I’m about to steam clean the carpet, so I bust out the trailer door barefoot in my underwear and I piss in the snow.”

It was there in the moonlight that Wackerman came to a podiatric epiphany.  “As I’m letting it rip I look down and I realize that my footprint looks just like my dong.  If I just imagine that the little prints from my toes are gone, then the ball of my foot looks just like my ball sack and the rest looks just like my dong.”  But visual confirmation was not enough for Wackerman.  He had to be certain. “I had to know if it was an exact match so I drop my underwear, get down on my side and plop my sack and dong in the footprint. And sure enough, it’s an exact match!”

Sadly Wackerman’s story changed from triumph to tragedy as consequences of his hasty decision took hold. “I didn’t take into account that my dong was still wet from the piss and it stuck to the ice.  By the time the wife found me and thawed my dong the frostbite had set it.  I wonder if everyone else’s footprint matches their dong.  Eh, it’s probably not worth the frostbite to find out.”  When we contacted the fisherman’s wife to verify this story she stated only, “I should have married a man with bigger feet.”