Ask GLORP Gum

Questions and letters dept.

We love getting mail at GLORP headquarters! Here are a few recent ones from some of our beloved GLORPOIDS (fans of GLORP). Please feel free to comment on the site, but you can also send us some good old fashion snail mail. Send your questions and comments to:

GLORP Gum Company
130 W 28th street Suite G
Minneapolis MN 55408

Dear GLORP GUM™,

I got the Glorp Gum™ yesterday, and I was real grateful. We are low on C-rations, and there is hardly any water. We just got back from an operation yesterday, and it’s been a very busy 2 weeks of shooting men, women, children and dolphins for Glorp ™and country. One guy was shot in the goddamned leg. Can I have a large t-shirt with that Glorp™ fella on it? Mine is back home where I should be.

Pvt. Timmy Bushlock III
Heck, Vietnam

Thanks for chewing! -G

To Whom It May Concern,

I’m looking for a decent chewing gum that has no aspartame, sucralose, sorbitol, saccharine or artificial sweetener. I understand that Corn Syrup has come to replace gum base, but no high fructose corn syrup, please. There must be something out there. Sorry, all the Glorp Gum™ I’ve tried tastes like poo poo.

Stephen Persnikity
E. Lansing, Michigan

Hey, that’s great Stephen! Keep on chewing! -Glorp®

Dear Glorp®,

I don’t know exactly why, but I like your gum. (I’m sad to say, Larry died within 24 hours after this letter was written. I felt he would have wanted you to know how much he enjoyed your gum.)

Larry Dicktittison (care of his brother Sammy)
Delta Junction, Alaska

That’s great, Larry! We love chewing gum! -Glorp® 

Hey Glorp®,

My name is also Timmy! Is Glorp Gum™ safe to swallow?

Timmy McGinty
Baltimore, MD

Yes, Timmy. If gum is swallowed, it simply passes through the digestive tract of the human body and out the anus. -G

Dear Spider-man,

I am studying a plant gum. I’ve tried 3 C- NMR of 300, 400, and 500 MHz, but no one had acceptable results.

The concentration could not be increased because of gelling and low concentration is not suitable. Some researchers have claimed to get the results from the same apparatus. What can I do?

Doctor Gums Chewdavi
Peeford, Connecticut

We will get back to this letter soon. In the meantime, chew more Glorp Gum®!  -Glorp Gum®

That’s about all the space we have for letters this month…Keep an eye out for more Glorp™ goodness. Gleep Glime Glorp! And don’t forget to send us your questions and/or comments as letters, e-mails or even reply directly below.